Roland's Tutorian Campaign

Session Two

Cheat Dice and Kobolds

Joey rolls the cheat dice and is the drinks bitch for the night. Kim rolls and loses her daily power: enrage, /sigh.

Joey asks for a sex toy.

Roland addresses the party is a douchy american accent. (apparently Bastian was cool…)

Anyway… Ana has PMS today and is quite bitchy. She holds back some snide remarks about Roland’s sudden extra special douchyness, almost as bad as that old gimptard in the forest.

Lyantra turns to the DM and gives him a filthy look “You think this is a m****r f*****g game?!”

She turns to page 253 in the player’s handbook and then makes some obscure gestures and a lot of noise while standing in a circle scratched into the dirt.

Ana raises her eyebrows, then does some squats, she sees this as a much better use of time.

Lyantra waves her staff over the mine, chanting loudly. No magic is detected.

Lyantra considers throwing the barbarian down the mine for being such a cow. she decides this is not only impossible, but probably a very stupid idea, even if Ana has lost her rage ability for the session.

Roland leads the conga line down the rope ladder and into the mine, Ana brings up the rear. it gradually gets darker and Roland makes a smart ass remark “I can’t exactly climb, lead and hold a torch here guys”

Ana yells back from the rear guard, “Thats because you’re male”

Ana is still being a cow, Lyantra takes an every burning torch from her backpack to light the way.

Roland halts the party and in his infinite wisdom reminds everyone to beware of danger.

Ana again makes a smart ass remark “What do you think we were prepared for? Fluffy bunnies?!”

Lyantra yells back “Do you mind! We’re being precautious!”

Apparently our mighty and wise DM is also making up words…

We reach the foot of the stair case and discover a pile of rubble, covered in blood. The kobolds have also used their bar furniture to make themselves a barricade.

Maravein makes a smart ass remark in Lyantra’s direction “Good job for throwing that last one down the mine and giving them time to fortify…”

The kobolds threaten us in very very broken common… But luckily Lyantras comprehend languages spell means we are also about to hear them snickering about their bluffs.

Lyantra gives a sunrod to the barbarian and suggests that the party could use some more light. Not knowing her own strength (and with a roll of 25) Ana throws the rod and it hits the farthest wall…

Revealing a nice tapestry depicting the battle between goblins and the knights of the hold. Lovely historical knowledge, but not actually useful combat wise…

Lyantra looks sideways at the goliath and sighs. Not understanding the point of the excerise, Ana cheers!

From the general direction of where the sunrod landed comes a swear word in an unknown language.

Ana runs into the fray with the to wail on one of the tables blocking the way (since Roland has previously shown his ineptitude at vaulting things). She stands in the fake magical circle, but rolls a 2 to hit, and nothing happens.

One evil ass kobold throws some magical crap at Ana, she is now on fire. She also has PMS, and just failed to roflstomp the table. She is not very happy.

Roland takes a swing at the table, it looks slightly damaged and has moved sideways.

Lyantra moves into the fray!

Brenton spends 5 mins attempting to add up damage and is threatened with the cheat dice.

After all that, he misses…

Maravein sends her spirit companion into bite some kobolds in the nuts.

The kobolds own poor Fluffy, and then throw some more firey crap around, but they fail and it misses. GG.

ANA is on fire, has PMS and failed to own the table last turn, so shes really pissed off! She charges at the nearest kobold and uses howling strike. (Howling strike. Can be used with charge)

She misses. And rages.

Roland attempts to vault the table again and fails, falling on his face. LOL.

Joey in his infinite PHD wisdom, names all the dice using their proper math names. Unfortunately, no one is impressed.

Lyantra does some mean ass thunder attacks and one kobold takes a thunder slam to the face, pulling down a tapestry in the process.

Which falls on Ana… who is no longer on fire, but now blinded and immobilised.

Maravein recalls her poor abused spirit companion, and then throws some heals around. Hoorah!

Kobolds push a statue onto Roland. Shockingly, he dodges! Another kobold stabs the giant goliath shaped lump through the tapestry. More kobolds appear out of the darkness! they are weedy looking… but theres 4 of them!

Ana finally gets her revenge scoring a critical hit! one kobold bites the dust and she roars in triumph, intimidating all nearby kobolds.

Roland takes a swing at one kobold attacking Maravein. It dies.

Lyantra throws some magical stuff around and another kobold dies.

Poor Fluffy is dead again…

Kobolds sens energy crao at Ana…and they miss… cause they suck.

Ana yells in rage and strikes a kobold with an unhealthy looking orange skintone. He is now very seriously injured, the poor dear.

Lyantra throws some poison around and smacks the kobold priest in the mouth. He is now dripping in green poison and looking a bit ill.

Poor Maravein is also looking a bit ill and spends some healing surges so as not to die.

Kobolds lash out at Ana the barbarian and she tales 6 damage.

Evil kobold priest dies from poison.

Ana charges one kobold who is making a run for it. (Howling strike. Can be used with charge.) It dies.

Roland cleaves! All kobolds are now bleeding profusely.

Lyantra throws some chaos bolts around and another kobold sucomes to her wrath.

Fluffy stalker strikes butterfree, who dies.

“Devastating strike. That’s a plus 2”

That’s for mew another pink fluffy kobold representative miniature, but who is obviously tougher then the bunny slippers he resembles. It is also the last kobold on the field, so it also takes some crap from Lyantra, but not from Roland, he misses again.

Showing no mercy, Ana smashes mew in the face, not caring that he had just surrendered.

Mew can now be used to make kobold sandwiches. Socks isn’t into bread, but kobold apparently makes good cat food.

Roland doesn’t recommend sleeping in the cave. So the 4 adventurers and one fat and content earth cat spend a relaxing night sleeping under the stars in Lyantra’s created campsite.

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