Roland's Tutorian Campaign

Session One

Nothing opens a campaign like a bar fight...

Our adventure starts in the small town of Riverdown, in “The generic Tavern” The Phil Inn. It’s a quiet night at the Phil Inn, we are arguing at a table in the corner when Roland arrives pertaining the virtues of human beer. He also brings us an illegible guild contract.

After spilling her beer Ana signs up. Maravein consults her spirit companion and signs, as does Lyantra.

They name their team “The Riverdown Rovers”

Ana orders another beer to celebrate.

Roland explains the gist of the contract. Unfortunately guild tabards aren’t free, but membership does come with a get out of jail free card.

Full membership costs 200g. Roland gives our contract to an animal messenger.

Roland immediately has work for us! Yay! Unfortunately some big ass half orcs rock up and throw some insults around, they are specifically interested in Lyantra.

Ana invites them for a beer, but they’re not interested. Roland chats them up about pies. Maraviens spirit companion pulls down poor Timmy poor pants’ trousers and the orcs all laugh.

Joey gets a cushion and describes it as sex for his knees.

The orcs get impatient and start a brawl.

Ana lifts one orc and throws him across the room after doing some military presses. Roland gut punches another one out the window.

Oh it’s on!

Ana flips a table and involves some more patrons. She then charges another half orc in the stomach and he also goes out a window. She roars in triumph all the while.

She bangs her mug on the last remaining upright table and demands more beer!

Lyantra attempts to break the bar and fails, therefore feeling mildly embarrassed.

The town guard finally rocks up and breaks up the fight. Phil decides it was our fault, the bastard! and we foot the bill.

Luckily Lyantra has a Make Whole spell.

Ana sleeps off the beer in the corner while Lyantra spends all night repairing stuff.

Roland is a cheap ass bastard and has no g to to chip in!

Roland sits down like a sissy with a jug of mineral water and talks about possible work.

Ana is still snoring in the corner.

The party decides to go to Winterhaven, to the dragon’s graveyard!

Party has a bio break.

It’s a new game day! Rise and shine!

We eat breakfast, eggs and bread. Ana gets really excited and makes a lot of noise doing squats.

We head to Winterhaven, it’s a beautiful autumn day!

We come across an ominous looking forest! It’s pulsing with unearthly light! oh noes!

“You know what I do at a time like this? Squats!”

Ana does some squats.

Maravien has a private conversation with the spirits. Father Tree informs him that the forest is dead. Its was converted by an evil lich and is very dangerous to travelers (how suprising).

The shortcut through the forest saves a lot of time and Maravein recommends the forest path.

Prince Perivale, the pre-lich leader, is assumed to be dead.

Roland calls for a decision and in front of the shaman, Ana declares she ain’t afraid of no trees! Luckily Maravien has by now realised the limited extent of the barbarian’s intelligence…

Roaming through the forest, we come to an obnoxious old man, Roland takes offense.

Lyantra declares the Roland is an idiot, defusing the situation, but the old jerk then makes some disparaging remarks about women.

Luckily Ana is super energetic this morning after her dozen eggs and she is off running around and doing squats.

Maravien asks the old gimptard to accompany us using secret shammy sign language.

The party elects Maravien to navigate, Hopefully the old bastard will help.

Lyantra senses a disturbance in the force!

Maravien selects the most sinister path.

A line of ambling wombats alerts us to a hole. Luckily Maravien detects that this path would have lead us in an infinite loop, and we continue down the most sinister path.

We get attacked by bats, Ana rolls a 21 and intimidates the bats.

We then elect to follow the panicked bats and discover a magic wind that turns us all into bats and we fly to the center of the forest.

We encounter some earth elementals carrying a harlequin and a 50 foot tower.

“You know what those guys do? squats!”

We manage to avoid the evil gimptart mage hiding in the tower and continue on our way.

We come across another fork, and Maravien rolls a natural 20, allowing us to avoid the last 3 DM challenges! Horrah!

We come to an Eladrin court, and many dead Eladrin are dancing. The old obnoxious jerks shows off his moves. Lyantra excersises diplomancy and asks one dead Eladrin the way out.

“You know what this sissy court needs? Squats!”

The Eladrin is a notourious gossip and rambles for ages. He may have looked like a mindless courtier, but he is actually talking in code!

The old fart buggers off, leaving the shaman and the barbarian with a +2 to attack! Maybe he wasnt such an old grumptard…

After a relaxing night in the forest, and a dozen eggs for Ana for breakfast, the party starts out again…

T – We have a discussion about the geodesic white plane and Kim draws a crappy one in blue. Sue makes tea :)

In order to avoid getting roflstomped by kobolds, Roland advises us how to attack Coppernight hold.

He draws us an exactly accurate mud map.

We can hear small things moving inside. Ana suggests breaking down the gate and waves her axe around.

Ana yells in rage and waves her axe around some more, then starts whaling on the gate.

Roland attempts to vault the gate and fails. The gate splinters into many many small pieces and reveals a recently unconscious Kobold, who did not foresee danger in a yelling barbarian wailing on the gate.

One kobold throws a spear which hits Ana in the shoulder, she is not happy and screams in rage.

Maravien unleashes the power of winter spirits and one Kobold falls to the ground!

Spears are fired from every direction! Two more hit Ana causing her to rage even Louder.

Lyantra unleashes storm bolts at the enemy! One kobold goes down! The storm energy then ricochets off the fence but unfortunately goes into the ground.

Ana is paralised with rage! And chooses to delay her turn.

Maravein’s spirit companion lashes out at the Kobolds and another falls to the ground.

Ana is still not clear headed enough for appropriate aiming and misses

Javelins fly through the air, mostly striking the fence, but one strikes Ana in the chest. She is now seriously injured! (but no less angry)

Lyantra moves toward the fray, and sends a chaos bolt at an obnoxious looking Kobold.

All this time Roland is having trouble vaulting the fence! Someone needs to do some squats!

He finally gets over and roars in triumph! He attempts to intimidate the Kobolds and fails…

Ana has finally become clear headed enough to wield her maul effectively. She smashes her maul at an obnoxious pink Kobold, and this time, doesn’t miss! Smashing the Kobolod into a pancake and splashing blood everywhere.

Maravein calls on the power of the spirits to heal her injured ally. She also calls again on the spirits of winter to smite her enemy!

Seeing their companions fall, the Kobolds are none too pleased. They make some pot shots with a fire sling.

Having just killed some of their number, Maravein is their first target, and is seriously injured.

Having not learned from his previous failed attempts at jumping. Roland attempts to tackle the kobolds, taking two oppotunities attacks to the face!

All this time Maravein has been stuck to the wall because of a glue attack, unfortunately because of this and the fire sling attack, she is now on fire!

According to our mighty and powerful DM, this is nothing to be concerned about.

Thanks to Lyantra and her fire of death, another Kobold bites the dust.

Ana risks the stairs and charges, another kobold is smashed into paste.

Maravein is now glued, on fire and unconcious, he is not having a good afternoon.

Two green orbs fly towards Lyantra, they hit and she takes 18 damage.

A fire orb flys towards Ana and misses.

“Orbs! I hate those things!”

Roland sure strikes for the win…

…and misses.

Lyantra is pissed and thunder strikes! Pink kobold dies and falls into the mine.

Panic shreaks erupt from the mine.

Ana screams in triumph and strikes another Kobold, owning it.

The last Kobold escapes in panic down the mine after watching his companions get systematically roflstomped.

“That’s what you get for not doing any squats!”

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